January 16, 2013

  • Report # 962

    Hey everyone, I hope that you’ve all been having a wonderful week. On Sunday I met up with a friend and we walked along Paseo Santa LucĂ­a for a while before sitting down and talking. It was a cooler day and completely overcast though it definitely wasn’t cold like it was the first few days of the year as I think it was around 15 C (60 F). Afterwards we talked back to where my friend and parked and we drove to Guadeloupe to have lunch.

    We went to an Italian restaurant and I had a plate of half pasta and half lasagna, so it was very good. Afterwards we headed to a mall in Guadeloupe and we went to Santa Clara and had some ice cream and sat down and talked for a long time. At one point my friend went to the bathroom and I was waiting and waiting though she hadn’t returned. I ordered a mocha frappuichino and drank it all and threw it away and she still hadn’t returned. I was beginning to think that she just left !

    It turns out there was a long line-up for the washroom so that’s why I was waiting for so long. Afterwards we went to Cinemex to see if there were any movies on, but none of them were really starting right away so we decided we would see a movie another day. She drove me to a metro station and I headed home just as the sun was going down. So it was a fun day as I got to spend time with someone and talk lots.

    I came home and then decided that I wanted to go to the movies, so I quickly checked what was on and I walked up to Galerias and watched the Urban Explorer. It was one of those horror movies with young people from other countries together in a group wanting to explore and they slowly get killed off one by one. Obviously I don’t watch these movies expecting Oscar worthy entertainment but they are fun to watch every now and then. It’s hard to believe, but that was already the 7th movie I’ve seen in theatres since the beginning of 2013 !

    On Monday I went for a run at Fundidora Park in the morning and came home and did my laundry and cleaned up for a while. I just walked to Subway to have a sandwhich and some cookies for lunch, and later in the day I headed to Interplaza to use the computers there to print off my migration document to see if I could read the number on it. I picked up a milk shake from Helados Sultana, but it was so thick it was too hard to drink ! I walked for a bit downtown and then headed home and found out I still couldn’t make out the number.

    Yesterday I sent an email to the lady at Teleperformance and she got back to me with the number and I checked and I was able to log-in to the migration website and follow my case. Nothing has been determined yet, but it had only been 4 days, so I know it will take some time. I’ve done my part, the company has done their part, now I just have to wait for the government people to do their part. I am hoping I get an answer within a month though as it would make things simpler for me !

    I ran yesterday afternoon as I had been on the computer for a few hours in the morning, and I walked to Galerias in the afternoon and had lunch at Wok. I had some delicious sushi with eel and octopus with some good Miso soup and rice. This may not sound so appealing to everyone, but I’m not kidding it’s amazing ! Afterwards I picked up some donuts and headed home and talked to my grandmother for a while. This was only the 2nd time I had talked to her, but I was able to do it as I still have some skype time left to use in January and February.

    I ran again this morning, the third day in a row, and now I’ve arrived home to type this up and comment everyone before heading out for lunch. The other day I was talking with a friend and she was really down because she had heard her parents yelling at one another. She’s grown up now in her 20′s, but still it’s probably nothing that any kids would want to see from their parents. She told me that she believed her father had had a child with another woman, and now that child is 15 years old.

    Immediately I thought about Arnold Schwartzenegger and I told her about that, but obviously she was not in the mood to hear any sort of comparisons, and rightly so. I was telling her at least she’s grown up now and it would be easier to deal with now than if she was a kid, but of course that doesn’t make the situation any easier. The problem in these sorts of situations is the selfish actions of the father end up leading to the destruction of what were solid families without much for problems beforehand.

    Now I have no idea if my friend knows 100 % exactly what happened, but from the sounds of it, she was pretty sure of herself, and her sister was well aware of things as well, so it doesn’t sound good. I suppose her parents could talk things out when they have both calmed down, but the father clearly made things a lot harder on himself. Obviously being unfaithful is wrong in any marriage, but when someone commits and error, a seriously poor lack of judgment and cheats on their partner, they should come clean.

    A lot of partners would just be so upset they would want to end the marriage immediately, but if there is any chance for forgiveness and a chance to try and save the marriage, it would be more likely if the person who has cheated comes clean right away, instead of 15 years later. Now having a kid with someone else outside of a marriage makes things all that more difficult, but it’s the same thing in terms of how to deal with it.

    If the person who has a kid outside of the marriage with someone else comes clean about it right away, at the very least they will have a better chance at saving the marriage than someone who tries to lie and cover things up for as long as possible. These types of situations are unfortunate, but I wouldn’t be surprised to know if they are somewhat common. The truth is, and I think some surveys have showed this before, a lot of people have been unfaithful in some capacity in their lives. This is unfortunately bad news to hear, but lets face it people are human and they make mistakes.

    When someone is considering whether or not to leave a cheating partner, they will obviously consider a lot, including is the person truly sorry, will they be unfaithful again, or they may even look at themselves in the mirror and wonder if they did anything wrong that would have led the other person to become unfaithful. In my opinion there are no excuses for cheating and anyone who does it is clearly behaving badly, and if they don’t know that they are just plain stupid.

    Cheating is wrong in any shape or form, but I would say it’s a million times worse when two people are married and someone is unfaithful. If they couldn’t envision themselves staying faithful to the same person for the rest of their lives they shouldn’t have got married to begin with. However from all of the things I’ve heard in the last few months I’m starting to think getting married is just not such a good idea these days anyways. I’m sure there are couples out there who are madly in love who never actually marry, and couples who are married, but fail to love one another properly.

    I’ve tried to think about how I would feel if I discovered one of my parents had a child with another person, but obviously it’s super hard to imagine something like that, but I can try ! I think I’m too old to be bothered by it now. Obviously I would be extremely shocked, but I would be more intrigued in meeting the half brother or sister in that situation and learning more about the whole story and what happened. And it would be a thing of my parents, nothing to do with me, so there would be no use getting upset about it.

    Of course all this is hypothetical and I’m just imagining. I’m sure neither of my parents have never done anything such as that, and this whole thing will never come up. It’s just unfortunate in many situations the kids end up as the ones getting hurt over their parents indiscretions. And any person who makes a serious mistake in their relationship, especially if they are married and have kids needs to come clean and toughen up and admit their errors. Obviously it wouldn’t be easy, but the fallout from coming clean would be way less than if people find out years later !

    So while it’s too much to expect that we are all perfect and no one will make a mistake, I think if everyone works on their honesty a little more and does a little better in terms of taking ownership of the errors they’ve made, a lot of these messy scandalous situations could be dealt with and cleaned up much easier. However it’s best for people to avoid the whole affair thing in the first place. And as I’ve said in the past, anyone who gets to the point of really considering having an affair with someone has one of two much better options than just having the affair:

    They can either talk with their partner and try to come up with ways to improve their own marriage, including getting counseling, or they can admit to their partner that the marriage isn’t working and it’s time for a divorce. This may seem like an easy way out, but the truth is some marriages just won’t work, and the person will be a lot less hurt knowing that their partner was honest and told them as much, instead of trying to pretend everything is amazing while they are screwing around with someone else.

    Most importantly though in the situations where children are involved, the kids need to be put first, because they will be the ones left to deal with the mess. So any two people who don’t think they can handle a family or a marriage should just stay away from being parents and not get married to begin with. Of course this is easier said than done and one of the tragedies of this world is that any two people can have kids. Just thinking of things like that really makes me wish that we’d live in a world where Storks would only give babies to deserving parents !

    Anyways I’m going all over the place with this, so for the next question:

    Have you ever dealt with a situation involving unfaithfulness with someone, or do you know of someone who has gone through such a situation ? How should people who cheat handle the mess that they have created ?

    That’s all for another day. I wish everyone all of the best with everything. Take care and I’ll talk to you all on Saturday, bye for now.

Comments (3)

  • I had a boyfriend cheat on me. I didn’t find out until months later (after him and I had broken up) and from someone who only decided to tell me because he was angry with my ex boyfriend. For me, it was pretty terrible, not because he cheated on me but because the people I counted as my best friends knew and didn’t tell me. I was very hurt that they didn’t respect me enough to tell me.

    I think cheating is very tricky thing. To me, the part that makes it so terrible is the deceit. I don’t know if I could ever forgive someone who cheated on me because they did not respect me enough to be faithful. However, I don’t want to say that I for sure couldn’t forgive him.

    I’m 23 and I found out my dad had a child with another woman I would throw a hissy fit. I would have trouble forgiving him. I don’t know if I would ever want to meet the child.

  • What an interesting post. I know of someone who cheated on his wife, to such an extent that he actually fathered a child with another woman, and had an entire separate life and household and everything that he had created. He ended up losing both women, the child with the mistress, and of course lost partial custody of his children with his wife. It all seems like such a waste.

  • it is such a tough thing to deal with. for anyone. sometimes it’s easier for us to think or judge, as a third party looking in. it’s another matter when it comes to those who are actually involved in the mess. but yeah, i can only wish people would stop thinking of children as cuteness, or standard, or expectation, or a way to continue the family name, or someone to take care of them when they get old. how selfish are we to think of such things. they are people. humans like the rest of us. if there are brought into this world, then they become the responsibility to the parents, no matter the parents like it or not. if you are unable to love, appreciate, or accept your own flesh and blood, then you have no right to procreate or be a parent. period.

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